March 1999
My dear
Gerald,
You have
been troubled again. The death of Wayne has
given you many unanswered questions. You have been looking
at your own conduct with regard to that sad son of mine.
Over and over again you have recalled the conversations you
and he had. Over and over you wonder if you should have been
more direct and offered him an alternate home at Friendly
Forest. Would that have made a difference? Was he asking
that of you when he told you that his wife was telling him
that he should get room and board at Gerald's so she and
the kids could move back into the ho use...
Let those
questions roam around in your mind my son. Ponder them, but
do not just let them be remembrances and regrets about the
past. Consider them and ask if that is what I would have
done. Would I have done something different than you? Perhaps
that is not such a useful thing for you to consider. After
all, I am Yahweh your God, and I did not prevent him from
shooting himself. Perhaps you had better rephrase that question
and ask if my Son would have done something different than
you in that situation. My Son was a human person such as
you are, and he probably had doubts too. Remember the story
that his followers told about the death of Lazarus? They
were upset that my Son had not come earlier and saved him
from the experience of death.
Those are
questions you will not have complete answers to in this life
of yours. Your mind has enough things to deal with, God says,
you do not need to fathom to those depths and consider a
future that did not occur. Leave that kind of thinking to
me. I can see things from an eternal perspective, and that
gives me an advantage at that kind of thing, don't you think
so?
Rather, I would have you consider what was in your heart, and then
make a resolve that in any future situation you will share whatever
love you have there according to whatever insights you have at
that time. Yes, you will make mistakes, after all, you are a
created human being, and you are not yet complete.
You have
also asked yourself again what Waynes decision
means in terms of my love for him. I am pleased that you
ask, God says, for now I can let my Spirit bring you another
insight into how I your God love all of you. Remember first
and always Gerald that the life of my creatures is a part
of my own life, and that it will never really end, though
it may change. Remember this as you try to follow my instructions
here. I can never abandon my own life. I can never abandon
my own love, and I have never abandoned you friend Wayne, not even in his deepest sadness. I want you to
consider this, my son Gerald; Wayne bore more sadness
than he felt he could handle. While objectively that is not
true, my love for him would have been enough, you humans
do mistake things. When you are faced with trials you come
to believe that you have more than you can bear.. that you
have more than I can ask you to bear. and when your minds
go on thinking like that, then your minds begin to think
that I give you permission to claim dominion over the life
I have given you, and return it to me before I have called
you to come home. I know that this happens. As you humans
bear such great suffering your minds do not work very well,
and the sorrow and pain overwhelms what you knew very clearly
at other times. I ask you once again to consider my Son.
Do you remember the story about his suffering and death?
Do you remember that he felt utterly abandoned in his sorrow.
He even felt abandoned by me. If my Son Jesus could be so
affected by his pain of body and spirit that he mistakenly
thought I had abandoned him , is it so hard to understand
how Wayne and others might be mistaken at times
like that, and feel that they have more than they are able
to bear.
I understand
such suffering, God says. I am your God, and I understand
such suffering. I do not let mistakes made during great suffering
in any way affect my love for all of you. Be assured of that
my son. My love never abandons you even if that is what you
come to think from time to time.
I ask you
to remember some other words of my Son Jesus. Recall when
he spoke about the final judgement that you humans will face.
He told you that I, the Father, will place my Son Jesus on
the throne of Judgement, and that he will ask some questions
of you. Do you remember the questions Gerald? Look again
in Matthew 25. Remember that the questions that he will ask
of you are how much of my love you shared with those with
whom you shared this life in time on earth. Now consider
the little you knew about your friend Wayne. Did
he love those I placed in his life to love? Did he find within
himself the capacity to love even though he knew so little
love as a child? Did Wayne give of himself to those
who were in need, even when he had so little himself? Of
course he did. That was so much of who my beloved son Wayne was that no one can fail to see that in him.
Well, what you saw in him as love shared was my life in him
shared, and that life has returned to me and has been made
full and complete and is glorious in the home I have prepared
for him and for all of my children.
Look at
what I have written to you here this day, and consider it
carefully in prayer. Then you will not let those questions
bother you. Rather you will understand a little better that
nothing in this earth or beyond it is greater than the love
I have for all of you. Rest easy in this love, as Wayne is resting in my love. And, God says, at the right time,
consider sharing this with Wayne's wife and
the children.
With all
my love, I AM WHO AM